Lately, I feel like every time I turn a corner, God is blowing my socks off. I mean seriously, I'm like a ball of mush! As Easter approaches and I think about the things going on some 2000 years ago at this time and how those events have created the world that we live in and the person that I am today, it just takes my breath away.
My verse that I have chosen for the year for myself personally is
" My determined purpose is that I may know Him, that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His person. " Philippians 3:10
When I started the year off with the Daniel fast, I knew God had big things for me and I guess I took a naive approach to the road toward those "good things". Just like in the Bible when Solomon prayed for Wisdom and was then given situations like two women fighting over a baby and asking them if he should cut it in half. I'm sure that's not what he had in mind when he prayed for wisdom. But sometimes, most times, when we pray for things, the situations that arise so we can master those gifts are not ever easy.
I guess I figured, oh yeah, lets do this fast, that will be me showing God I'm for real and then BOOM, all will be right in my world and I will awaken to the smell of sunshine and feel like skipping in fields.
What did happen was I gained a new perspective on myself and the things I need to change and how to focus more on Him and how to raise my children and how to love my husband. How to not be complacent in certain ways but to be an example of Christ. I'm far from where I should be but I want to be an example to my children, to my unsaved friends, to my family. I want to be an encouragement to other believers who may be wavering or in a "valley" . I want those around me to know without a shadow of a doubt that I am on this planet for one reason, to show God's love to everyone around me and bring as many of them with me to eternity.
Some of the decisions I've made haven't been easy. I've thrown myself a pity party or two even. But I keep coming back around to knowing that this path won't be easy. Sometimes it will feel lonely. Sometimes it will feel hard. But it will be worth it to see my three beautiful daughters standing next to us in heaven and I pray that I have a whole host of others that are there because of the light they saw in us.
So after my last pity party...last Sunday happened. It was a normal service. Nothing out of the ordinary or overly emotional happening. Just coming to church to have my spirit united with others and receive something amazing from God. I was thinking some spiritual nugget, something I had never seen in that way. Something I could mull over and talk with Bj about. You know, something normal sized. Well, He had other things in mind. More like a landslide. Because BAM, it was like a tornado hit. I was completely engulfed in His Love. You may be thinking this is a freaky, holy-roller kind of story, but just stick with me. Out of no where I felt like I couldn't even breathe. Could barely stand. Tears started streaming out of my eyes. I have never been slain in the spirit, but I felt like that was what was happening. I was just just overwhelmed by the presence of God, and it was like no one else was even in the room except for me and Him. It was all I could do to hold my body up and just let Him love on me. It was the most confirming, energizing experience of my entire life. I didn't receive a message, didn't hear anything prophetic, didn't feel enlightened or that something profound had been unveiled to me. No, all I received was what my heart needed. That was to know that God loved ME. And instead of leaving me being able to mull, and talk about it to others, He left me completely speechless. Words were not good enough. I tried to explain it to my dad and Bj and others but I couldn't describe to them what was going on inside me.
It was so reaffirming to know that if I will take a step toward Him, He is waiting there with open arms. I know that is a beaten to death phrase and maybe many have not ever allowed themselves to be open to being in His presence. Not expecting anything, not going with a list of demands, just being silent and letting God sweep them away. I feel like my life has been on the right path, moving toward God and what He has for me, but I feel like sometimes I'm on the path with a bag over my head. Just blindly heading towards Him, but not searching along the way for new routes, new things He wants to show me, for people along the way that maybe just need me to reach out and grab their hand for that part of their journey. I don't want to make it to heaven and just be like "whooowhee, I made it." take my bag off my head and shout hooray. I want to finish it the way He wants me to. To get all the Bonus points along the way, bring everyone I come in contact with, with me and discover as much as is humanly possible about Him while I'm at it.
I hope that by reading this that you get one thing, if not others. That when you go to church, don't let it be a ritual. God is real! He can meet you, in a hallway, at the altar, on the platform, at your seat. He can meet you during worship. During the service, in the parking lot. When you are ready to receive, He is ready to Give.
I know I don't usually post stuff like this, but this day was very profound to me. And I hope I never forget it and I pray there are many more just like it.God is doing things in me and my family that I can't even describe. He is fulfilling desires that I didn't even realize existed in me. He is answering prayers that I prayed and didn't fully believe could happen. He is testing my faith and showing me, that if I actually whole-heartedly believe in Him, that He CAN move mountains. He is showing me sides of Himself that I have never allowed myself to see. I want to allow God to be real in my everyday life. To shut my world down and it just be me and Him. And I hope you will have those intimate moments with Him too. Just be ready. Its something you will never be able to put into words but that your spirit will long for.